Friday, July 04, 2003
hiyo blogger !!
the cloud(mid yr exam) has finally lifted and i am in great spirits now.
Me and patrick has already patched up and we went out the whole dae
yesterdae.Watching (the twin effect) movie was fascinating and we took
great neoprint at bugis.(veri nice!)....juz that ..hai~ my health is failing me.
I love Patrick!! (blush)
the cloud(mid yr exam) has finally lifted and i am in great spirits now.
Me and patrick has already patched up and we went out the whole dae
yesterdae.Watching (the twin effect) movie was fascinating and we took
great neoprint at bugis.(veri nice!)....juz that ..hai~ my health is failing me.
I love Patrick!! (blush)
Sunday, June 29, 2003
There r other advice that i found useful to broaden my insight:
This tendency for the imagination to symbolize a need or a want can sometimes lead to problems if we take our fantasies at face value. For instance, we may put all our energy into that future house in the country, denying ourselves many chances for fulfilling experiences now. Often, partners who finally reach such a long-term goal find out it doesn't give them the happiness they thought it would. Having sacrificed so many chances to enjoy simpler things in the moment, they may feel that fulfillment is no longer possible. Many partners split up when the dream house is finally built or the kids leave home. Beware of sacrificing fulfillment now for the sake of a future dream! What are your dreams regarding true fulfillment? What are all the different aspects of it? If you were in an ideal relationship, how would each of you act? How would you feel? How would you communicate?
In healthy relationships, we have to get back what we are giving, or we will start to feel resentful after a while. This does not mean we should bicker over every last iota, but overall, there should be a sense of balance. If you always give more than you receive, you'll inevitably feel resentful. If you always receive more than you give, you may feel you don't need to give as much, and this surely will cause problems!
It is the job of each partner to make sure that the overall balance between giving and receiving is equal. If a partner complains or seems resentful because they feel they're giving more, the solution is to do things to let them know you care. At such times, actions speak louder than words! Resentment is a sign that one partner has scored too few points relative to the other. The way to heal resentment is not by trying to explain it away. Rather, simply do something concrete, constructive, and supportive for your partner. What stops us from experiencing full satisfaction, joy, and happiness in relationships? Why do we sometimes pull back, avoid things, or become less available, yet at other times become far too needy or demanding? Why might we behave in ways that drain the aliveness out of being together - trying not to rock the boat, holding back how we really feel, not asking for what we need? What are the barriers that block us from sharing the utmost fulfillment with each other?The holy temples of the east provide a clue. Most of them have frightening monsters sitting at their gates, on guard. If you followed the local beliefs, you might come to fear these stone statues and their legendary destructive powers. But if you want to enter the sacred temple, you must first face each of these monsters - and deal with your fears.It is like that in a relationship. To enter the temple of joy and happiness, you must first face the monsters blocking your way and deal with your fears. But in this case, the "monsters" are from your own past, sitting deep within your unconscious. They are built not of stone but from all the upsets, wounds, and traumatic events in your personal history.Each hurt and pain was stored in memory. Anything even remotely similar to an earlier event can now unconsciously evoke fear or upset. Not recalling the actual memory, you will mistakenly think your partner is the sole cause of whatever you feel. You'll react, trying to protect yourself - often acting in an inappropriate or unproductive way.How are monsters from the past affecting your relationship today? What is standing in the way of your complete fulfillment? Which of the following fears do you recognize in yourself? The fear of rejection or abandonment? Of being trapped or controlled? Of losing your identity in the relationship? Of being invalidated or belittled? Of not being accepted? Of being hurt again? Of inadequacy? Of boredom? Of anger? Of upsetting others?Consider each fear as it may affect you. Ask yourself the question, "What if things are not really as I fear them to be?" Then, instead of letting the monster chase you, turn around and chase it! Chase it down, and begin to sense its origins in your childhood or early relationships. Finally face it - whether you understand it or not. Face any monster that presents itself, breathe deeply, and fully feel your feelings. Simply feel the fear - or any other emotion that arises. Feel the emotion in its entirety - finally, fully - without running anywhere. Discover that you can survive! In this way, you diminish the power a fear holds over you. But respect the real work that is required and be easy on yourself. It may take several encounters with a monster before you completely pass through its gates.In passing through the gates of fear, you discover who you really are - tapping into strength you didn't think you had and experiencing joy you didn't believe you could. Vital energy is released in moving through a barrier, energy once caught up in being on guard. By facing and dealing with "monsters," you can enter the temple of your relationship with increased energy, aliveness, and joy. You open the doors wide to all the happiness and fulfillment you truly deserve.
This tendency for the imagination to symbolize a need or a want can sometimes lead to problems if we take our fantasies at face value. For instance, we may put all our energy into that future house in the country, denying ourselves many chances for fulfilling experiences now. Often, partners who finally reach such a long-term goal find out it doesn't give them the happiness they thought it would. Having sacrificed so many chances to enjoy simpler things in the moment, they may feel that fulfillment is no longer possible. Many partners split up when the dream house is finally built or the kids leave home. Beware of sacrificing fulfillment now for the sake of a future dream! What are your dreams regarding true fulfillment? What are all the different aspects of it? If you were in an ideal relationship, how would each of you act? How would you feel? How would you communicate?
In healthy relationships, we have to get back what we are giving, or we will start to feel resentful after a while. This does not mean we should bicker over every last iota, but overall, there should be a sense of balance. If you always give more than you receive, you'll inevitably feel resentful. If you always receive more than you give, you may feel you don't need to give as much, and this surely will cause problems!
It is the job of each partner to make sure that the overall balance between giving and receiving is equal. If a partner complains or seems resentful because they feel they're giving more, the solution is to do things to let them know you care. At such times, actions speak louder than words! Resentment is a sign that one partner has scored too few points relative to the other. The way to heal resentment is not by trying to explain it away. Rather, simply do something concrete, constructive, and supportive for your partner. What stops us from experiencing full satisfaction, joy, and happiness in relationships? Why do we sometimes pull back, avoid things, or become less available, yet at other times become far too needy or demanding? Why might we behave in ways that drain the aliveness out of being together - trying not to rock the boat, holding back how we really feel, not asking for what we need? What are the barriers that block us from sharing the utmost fulfillment with each other?The holy temples of the east provide a clue. Most of them have frightening monsters sitting at their gates, on guard. If you followed the local beliefs, you might come to fear these stone statues and their legendary destructive powers. But if you want to enter the sacred temple, you must first face each of these monsters - and deal with your fears.It is like that in a relationship. To enter the temple of joy and happiness, you must first face the monsters blocking your way and deal with your fears. But in this case, the "monsters" are from your own past, sitting deep within your unconscious. They are built not of stone but from all the upsets, wounds, and traumatic events in your personal history.Each hurt and pain was stored in memory. Anything even remotely similar to an earlier event can now unconsciously evoke fear or upset. Not recalling the actual memory, you will mistakenly think your partner is the sole cause of whatever you feel. You'll react, trying to protect yourself - often acting in an inappropriate or unproductive way.How are monsters from the past affecting your relationship today? What is standing in the way of your complete fulfillment? Which of the following fears do you recognize in yourself? The fear of rejection or abandonment? Of being trapped or controlled? Of losing your identity in the relationship? Of being invalidated or belittled? Of not being accepted? Of being hurt again? Of inadequacy? Of boredom? Of anger? Of upsetting others?Consider each fear as it may affect you. Ask yourself the question, "What if things are not really as I fear them to be?" Then, instead of letting the monster chase you, turn around and chase it! Chase it down, and begin to sense its origins in your childhood or early relationships. Finally face it - whether you understand it or not. Face any monster that presents itself, breathe deeply, and fully feel your feelings. Simply feel the fear - or any other emotion that arises. Feel the emotion in its entirety - finally, fully - without running anywhere. Discover that you can survive! In this way, you diminish the power a fear holds over you. But respect the real work that is required and be easy on yourself. It may take several encounters with a monster before you completely pass through its gates.In passing through the gates of fear, you discover who you really are - tapping into strength you didn't think you had and experiencing joy you didn't believe you could. Vital energy is released in moving through a barrier, energy once caught up in being on guard. By facing and dealing with "monsters," you can enter the temple of your relationship with increased energy, aliveness, and joy. You open the doors wide to all the happiness and fulfillment you truly deserve.
I am veri confused.Veri confused blogger.todae study physics yet cannot concentrate.
I tink it is becos i've put the relationship with Patrick on rocky grounds.went to consult
the oracle for help.This is the help given:Personal boundaries define where you end and where someone else begins. They resemble a fence that distinguishes what is your property from what belongs to a partner. Inside the fence you will find what you feel, what you want, what you need, what you think, and what works for you. Outside the fence is the property of your partner - what they feel, want, need, think, and what works for them.Unclear boundaries create big problems in relating. If you cannot distinguish what is going on in each of you, difficulties with a partner become magnified. If you can't tell what each of you feels, you can't sort out what is really going on between you. If you can't state what each of you wants or needs, you won't know how to truly resolve your issues.Clarifying your own boundaries is very beneficial. Do this by asking yourself these questions: "What do I truly feel? What do I really want or need? What truly works for me?" It can be useful to discuss your answers to these questions with your partner, and also find out how they answer these questions. If you do this, let one person speak at a time - uninterrupted.Flexibility in opening or closing your gates is what allows you to merge with a partner - or be separate - at different times. While it is wonderful to merge, it is also important to know who you are individually. Knowing your boundaries, respecting them, and choosing to open or to close makes for a healthy, dynamic relationship between two whole people.
I tink it is becos i've put the relationship with Patrick on rocky grounds.went to consult
the oracle for help.This is the help given:Personal boundaries define where you end and where someone else begins. They resemble a fence that distinguishes what is your property from what belongs to a partner. Inside the fence you will find what you feel, what you want, what you need, what you think, and what works for you. Outside the fence is the property of your partner - what they feel, want, need, think, and what works for them.Unclear boundaries create big problems in relating. If you cannot distinguish what is going on in each of you, difficulties with a partner become magnified. If you can't tell what each of you feels, you can't sort out what is really going on between you. If you can't state what each of you wants or needs, you won't know how to truly resolve your issues.Clarifying your own boundaries is very beneficial. Do this by asking yourself these questions: "What do I truly feel? What do I really want or need? What truly works for me?" It can be useful to discuss your answers to these questions with your partner, and also find out how they answer these questions. If you do this, let one person speak at a time - uninterrupted.Flexibility in opening or closing your gates is what allows you to merge with a partner - or be separate - at different times. While it is wonderful to merge, it is also important to know who you are individually. Knowing your boundaries, respecting them, and choosing to open or to close makes for a healthy, dynamic relationship between two whole people.
